Healing Does Not Mean Forgetting…

Have you ever been afraid that if you heal from the loss of your spouse that you are being disrespectful to them? Or you are going to forget them? Or you “should” “get over” your grief? If you have ever had these thoughts you are not alone…

The fact is that you will likely never “get over” your grief. However, I do recommend that when the time is right for you that you be intentional with learning to live it.

I remember one of my most challenging nights. I was feeling depressed, lonely, sad, longing for my husband and missing him terribly. I was alone in my bedroom sobbing with pain in my heart wishing he was there to comfort me. I decided to look through pictures of him. I started reflecting on our life and all of the amazing experiences we had shared together including the experiences we had shared with our two daughters. I felt sad and a longing for the loss of that part of my life that was now gone.

It was in that moment that I thought to myself…”what would Doug want for me right now?” (a question that I have found useful to ask myself often when I feel lost). What came to me was that he would want me to remember all of the joy and life that we shared together. My husband taught me how to enjoy life and to live large. I realized that he would want me to have a great life and continue to create similar experiences for myself and our daughters. I realized that he loved and adored us and he would want the very best for us.

This was a turning point for me in my grief when I realized that it was ok to learn to live with my grief with joy. I learned that my grief would always be a part of who I am but that I could choose to live my life fully. I realized that the grief would soften and although I would likely not have a day go by without thinking of him that I could let go of it consuming me and my life.

I have chosen to honour Doug in our life by keeping his love alive talking about him, sharing great memories, continuing to celebrate milestones such as his Birthday and by living a great life.

What would your husband want for you? How would he want to be remembered? How would he want you to be living your life now that he is gone? How would he want you to be celebrating and living life? How can you honour your lost spouse by living a joyful and full life?

I’d love to hear from you. What you have to share can make a difference for others experiencing the pain of losing their spouse.