Grief is a journey.
You have been given a ticket for the jouney – –
a ticket which you didn’t ask for,
didn’t deserve,
didn’t want.
But the ticket has your name on it, and
you must take the journey
regardless.
You may fear what’s ahead.
You already know the loneliness
and the darkness.
Expect the ride to be full of ups and downs,
like a roller coaster.
Know that after each down comes an up.
The pits will become less deep
and
less dark
with time.
Understand that you must journey through your grief.
Be with your pain.
You cannot go around it
or over it
or under it.
Let it wash through
your whole being.
It will pass, and move you towards your healing.
All things pass.
Nothing is permanent:
nothing lasts.
This Life doesn’t last.
(That is why you are grieving!)
Pain does not last either.
The journey through the pain
leads to a place
of peace
and understanding.
Always remember:
This journey
won’t last forever.
Be patient.
Allow youself time.
Insist on it
when others try to push you!
You need
Scope,
Mercy
and Understanding…
from yourself
as well as others.
These are your right.
Your grief is special to you.
No one can feel it just as you do,
but there are others
who have known similar pain,
fear,
and emptiness.
You may know someone with
this level of understanding.
Accept comfort and support
from them.
You may feel angry…
even furious!
outraged!
This is normal and healthy.
Talk about your anger.
Express it
in non-hurtful ways:–
kick a ball;
punch a mattress or pillow.
Find a place where you can
scream
without upsetting others.
(Have you ever stood near a railway track
and screamed as the train
was passing?)
You may feel regret.
This is a natural response
to any loss.
It is human to be imperfect.
No human being is perfect…
not even you or me!
You may feel very, very sad.
Life may seem to have
lost all meaning.
These feelings are temporary,
too, and will pass.
Give to yourself.
Give yourself mercy.
You are fragile just now.
Treat yourself with tenderness.
Other feelings you have
may surprise or frighten you.
Nothing seems as it was.
Sometimes it helps to talk
about these feelings
to the person whose loss
you mourn.
Speak to that person
in whatever way feels
comfortable to you:–
silently,
aloud,
or through written word
or picture.
The person you thought you were may seem changed…
erratic, forgetful,
helpless, dull or
out of control…
changed in many ways.
All these are normal signs
of your grief process.
You will move through them
as you journey through your grief.
You will never be
quite
the same again.
However…
The journey will not last forever.
You will emerge in a way that will be right for you.
By Pat Smekal