Have you ever wondered if your overwhelming emotions you are experiencing after losing your spouse are normal? I know I certainly did. I am writing this for you to help you understand that although grief can feel scary it really is a normal response to your loss. There is nothing wrong with you.
According to the dictionary the definition of grief is: deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death. Grief can describe the experience of many other kinds of losses but for the sake of this conversation we are going to just talk about the loss of your spouse.
These are some of the typical responses… sound familiar?
- Reduced concentration and memory (I call it “widow brain”)
- A sense of numbness – disconnected from yourself
- Disrupted sleeping patterns
- Erratic eating habits
- A roller coaster of emotions
- Paranoid about getting sick and dying yourself and leaving your children without parents
- Over protective of your children because you are afraid something will happen to them
- Outbursts of crying in very unexpected places and circumstances
- Lack of energy of motivation
- Angry – jealous of others with family
- Shortness of breathe and overall feeling of anxiety
- Seeing and hearing voices of your deceased spouse
We will talk in more depth over time about some of these experiences but for now just know if you are are having of these feelings it is a completely normal response to what you are dealing with.
Sometimes these feelings can be aggravated by family and friends who may mean to be helpful but really just don’t know what to say. Again I want you to know that although it can be frustrating these are just some of the typical comments that we hear.
- Don’t be angry with God
- Look on the bright side, at least they’re in a better place
- Don’t feel bad, his suffering is over now.
- You’ll be fine in time
- I know how you feel
- You shouldn’t be feeling that way still
Feel free to share this post with family and friends if you feel that these comments would be more helpful:
- I can’t imagine how you feel
- I can’t imagine how heartbreaking, devastating and painful this must be for you
- Allow all of your emotions without judgement – what you are experiencing is completely normal given what you are going through
- What happened?
Be gentle with yourself and allow how you are feeling to be OK.